I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
