Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize