you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
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