It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
