Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
