you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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