I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
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can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
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The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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