You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
