I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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