So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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