med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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