Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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