Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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