Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
two words: eviction party
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
