i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
