How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
