I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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