Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
