Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize