I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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