I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
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I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
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there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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