Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
