NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i love accidental penises.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
