He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
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dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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