One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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