ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Don't make out with my wife yet
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize