That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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