just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
