Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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