right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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