Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she smelled like a LAN party
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
