pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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