why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
