i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
