dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
