i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
