You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
