I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize