Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
