Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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