Someone shit on the floor
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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