I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
