mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
