I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
