I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
