I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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