Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I wish I only lived at night.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Randomize