My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
