Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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