So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
