We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
my shit smells like andre
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
