Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
