I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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