Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
