I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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