Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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