i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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