yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.