Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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