An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
