oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
