Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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