just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
