How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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