Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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