he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
