I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
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i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
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What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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