Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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