You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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