i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
