i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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