I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
