Moan for me like Helen Keller
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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