u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
