I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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